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RUSTY RYAN

Lip synch, the "art" of miming along to recorded music has been mostly limited to the realm of the high school air guitar contests, were teenaged boys, giddy with kiddy endorphines, scowl and imitate the rock star posturing of their favourite musicians, or slumber parties where teenage girls stay up till dawn inventing new dance steps between gossip, giggles and games of truth or dare.

At El Convento Ricco, Lip Synch is serious business, the world of the Drag Show has embraced the genre and the cross dressed participants give it every ounce of heart and soul they've got. In their world Lip Synch is legit and they'll prove it to you.

First enter the landscape of El Convento Ricco, a straight friendly gay bar or a gay friendly straight bar, it's hard to tell, on College St. just west of new-boho little Italy.

A sprawling basement with a ceiling so low that a tall guy can touch it with an outstretched hand, but it never the less has a sense of panache, with tuxedo shirted waiters and a generally classy decor.

The smallish dance floor is jam packed with boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl couples and other assortments, the crowd ranges from funky university kids, slick latin lovers, the young, the old, the gay, the straight, the lost, people in toques and docs, people in suites, people in drag ... all dancing to a blend of latin music with garage sale disco classics and familiar retro cheeze.

At 1:00 the front doors are closed to further admission and the show begins.

Today's guest MC is the Outrageous Rusty Ryan, and Rusty is outrageous indeed. A hulking towering drag queen obesity, Rusty is a comedienne. If you imagine an alloy of Bob Hope and Divine you have Rusty Ryan, lots of tits and lesbians and fat jokes and glib innuendos, Rusty works the crowd like a flamming Henny Youngman but at El Convento Ricco, jokes are not the main attraction and Rusty Ryan also does lip synch - his first "song" was the twelve days of christmas with the gifts replaced with cocktails (4 Old Fashions ...) as she three, two, ones her way through the christmas days, she gets increasingly inebriated, by the end of song her blitzed, blotto act is very convincing.

The Outrageous Rusty Ryan has to be seen to be believed, at least 6" tall and 300 lbs if he ways an ounce ... one big drag queen.

The other performers came out to do their numbers in between Rusty sets, and they were all of the sincere lip synch idiom ... a land of illusion were the realism of their femininity in terms of looks and gestures is the standard by which they are judged, heart felt renditions of mo-pop from the planet of Gloria Gayner, slinky outfits and suggestive motions solicit folks in the crowd to hoot, whistle and offer money to the performers, by holding the bills sometimes in their hands sometimes in their mouths.

But the night belonged to Rusty Ryan, every time he came out the audience was enthralled with the perverse, surreal personality who came out for his second act wearing a prison guard outfit, and sang (well, synched) a song about a caged women prison guard who happily instructs her charges to "pepper her ragu" and "if you'll be good to me, I'll be good to you".

In between her Lip Synch numbers, Ryan maintained his banter with bits like the erotic candy bar poem that included such lines as "his butter finger entered her kit kat ... she instructed him to eatmore .. Oh! Henry she cried..." you get the idea.

Wearing a big yellow dress and carrying a rough little teddy bear, Rusty came our for her last set and performed "Lollypop ... you make my heart go giddy up" prancing around the stage like a demonic humongous toddler. I was hypnotized, the song still runs through my head continuously. "Oh Oh Oh Oh ... Lollypop."

El Convento Ricco is a fun venue, after the show the place stays open for DJ dancing until 4am -- and I don't know if The Outrageous Rusty Ryan is a common host at the place, but you gotta see him if you can.

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