How to Give Your Man the Best Blowjob He's Ever Had
part two: A discussion of technique
(click here for part one)
by Ishmael Gradsdovic
There is a peculiar uncertainty principle regarding the subjective analysis of a blowjob that makes discussion of technique especially problematic. That principle is as follows: The ability of a man to accurately and completely analyze the causation of a sexual stimulus is inversely proportional to the power of that stimulus. Or in other words, the better it makes you feel, the less capable you are of paying attention to what exactly it is that is making you feel so good.
So, rather than getting too specific into technique (and what techniques are best varies from man to man anyway), I will just share some things I have learned, including general observations I have picked up from time to time as I go.
Probably the best way to learn the details of technique is just to practice frequently and with as many men as you are comfortable practicing with. Pay close attention to the feedback you are receiving from them (moans, gasps, body motions), and encourage accurate feedback. A man may, for some reason, be giving feedback which is unrelated to his actual feelings. He may be stifling expression out of embarrassment or shyness, or he may be exaggerating his pleasure as a way of thanking or complementing you. Do what you can to show your lover that you value his accurate, natural feedback. Then vary your technique all over the map, and see where the oases of paradise lie.
There is a caveat here, however. It is possible to stimulate a man in such a way that is irritating, he may call it "too good" or "too sensitive." This is not a subtle way of saying "you've found the right spot!" It should be taken literally as a thing to be avoided. In the same way that french fries taste good with a little salt on them, but pouring a shaker-full of salt on your fry won't make it better than good, "too sensitive" isn't better than "sensitive." The reason I bring this up at this point is that if for some reason your lover is shy about discussing sex, or is habitually incommunicado during sex-play, the gasps and body spasms that accompany these "too sensitive" touchings may mimic the gasps and body spasms you are trying to discover. So be aware.
The topics I'd like to introduce in this discussion of technique are:
- Suction, teeth, and other mechanical details
- The Hand
- The perineum
- Anal play
- Chemical assistance
He will curse you, but thank you later, if you visit most of his body with your tongue, stopping occasionally, but only briefly, at his penis, biting his nipples, kissing his inner thighs, taking one testicle at a time into your mouth, building up anticipation for a while before plunging into a full-bore oral assault.
I do not know why this is, only that it is so. Building anticipation (similar to, but distinct from teasing) is an important element in The Best Blowjob.
It is possible to carry this too far. In the "blue balls" phenomenon, the man has had an erection for so long that his penis actually aches, and the ceiling of possible pleasure falls to a point where even the best technique will only result in a merely satisfactory orgasm. It is not too hard to find a middle ground. The amount of time necessary to build anticipation really isn't all that much, whereas the time required for "blue balls" to set in is fairly long.
You know by now, I'm sure, that there isn't much "blowing" involved in a blowjob, but you may be unsure as to how much "sucking" is needed to suck someone off. Is there really suction involved, or is the pressure of lips and tongue enough to do the job?
Suction is not necessary, but can be an enhancement if done well (and this is just a knack). If suction is used well, a larger surface area of the penis comes into contact with a larger surface area of the mouth, cheeks and tongue and with more pressure, which can be a Good Thing. If you can suck the cheeks in so far as to create a buffer to keep the teeth away from the penis, so much the better.
It is hard to give a blowjob without your teeth coming in contact with his erection, but this is the ideal. A small amount of contact, incidental contact, is no foul, and no flag is thrown, but a lot of teeth is so distracting as to make the whole enterprise not worth the trouble.
Try different positions and locations to find the one which allows you to take as much of the erection in your mouth as you can without it rubbing against your teeth. It may take a few tries to find the position that's best for you, but I bet he won't complain that you want to experiment again.
A position is best if it allows your tongue to rest against the underside of the penis (the side away from the body when the penis is erect). Where the glans comes together into a cleft on this side is perhaps the most sensitive part of the penis (another nominee is the nearby piss-slit, or urethral opening), and is a part that should be most thoroughly tongued during oral sex.
The majority of your blowjob should probably involve licking the head of the penis while it is in your mouth, and bobbing your mouth up and down on the upper couple of inches of the penis, but varying this with "deep-throating" the penis and with removing the penis from your mouth altogether to use your tongue all over the head and shaft can be nice.
Suction, Teeth, and Other Mechanical Details
Should the hand be used? This is a tough one. It is a trade-off between quality and frequency of fellated orgasm. It can be very difficult to bring a man to orgasm with your mouth. It usually takes much longer than intercourse or hand-jobs. And for many people, the endurance, and the ability to keep your mouth open that long, is wanting.
A compromise is to keep the mouth bobbing just on the head of the penis, while performing a hand-job with the hand somewhat lower on the base of the penis than normal (so you do not club yourself in the lips on the up-swing). This gives the wonderful pleasure of having the head of the penis in the mouth, while at the same time making it easier on the person giving the blow-job by not requiring so much depth of oral penetration and by speeding orgasm.
While this is certainly fine and dandy on occasion, and is very much recommended, it is not really a blowjob. It is not the summoning of an orgasm orally, but the augmentation of a hand-job with oral stimulation. Not really in the same ballpark.
So should you use your hand? Yes, of course, if you both enjoy it. But not if you're trying to give your man the best blowjob he's ever had.
You may have noticed that there is a great deal said when the topic of blowjobs is raised about "swallowing." Some people do, some people don't. The ones that do are usually preferred, or at least especially appreciated.
"Swallowing" is actually a misnomer. Just as "blowjobs" don't have much to do with "blowing," "swallowing" isn't really about gulping a load of semen down your throat. It's a code word. When you are asked "do you swallow?" what it really means is, "will you continue to perform oral sex on me while I ejaculate, or will you remove your mouth at that point?" Whether you swallow or spit after you get a mouthful of jizm is a non-issue.
There are two reasons why this is a concern. First and most obviously, if you have been bringing a man to orgasm with your mouth, having the source of that pleasurable sensation removed at the height of orgasm is a bit of a letdown, and replacing the gentle, warm wet sucking with a last-minute hand job is a poor substitute (poor being a relative term here).
Secondly, if you are a "non-swallower," the man will generally feel obligated to warn you after he has passed the point of ejaculatory inevitability as a courtesy to you to allow you to remove your face from the impact zone in time. But for the man to set up a monitor in his mind for this purpose means that he cannot become fully immersed in the blowjob, but must remain partially apart from it, watching objectively, ready to wave the warning flag. This, too, detracts from the experience.
The perineum deserves a footnote here, as it is surprisingly underutilized. It is the ridge of flesh between the anus and the scrotum. It represents a continuation of the tubes which make up the penis and are engorged with blood during erection.
Pressure applied to the perineum during an erection will cause an effect similar to squeezing the middle of a balloon - the rest of the balloon will inflate larger. Similarly, when the perineum is pressed, blood will push into the rest of the penis, causing the glans (head) to grow larger and more nerve endings in it to be exposed to your tongue. Get the picture?
Note that simply holding pressure on the perineum won't do the trick. Pressure must be applied, then released, the applied again and so on. Note also that if you have long fingernails, you should not use your fingertips to do the pressing!
I have come across (in, and upon) few people who do not appreciate having a tongue deep in their asshole, and I'm no exception. Unfortunately, there is a fairly huge taboo about the anus which keeps many people from exploring the pleasure to be reaped from this part of the body.
Anal penetration (by dildo, finger, or penis, if you're flexible and male) is a welcome addition to many a blowjob, and rimming (oral-anal contact, analingus) can be positively delightful and should be considered as an element in The Best Blowjob He's Ever Had. If you're squeamish about rimming, give him a thorough soap-and water washing, and maybe try a dab of honey to make the taste especially pleasant.
One possible effect of anal penetration is stimulation of the prostate gland. This gland is found just forward (toward the belly) of the rectum, a few inches in. This can be somewhat pleasurable on its own, or even somewhat uncomfortable, but in any case tends to increase the power (and the fluid output) of the orgasm.
(check the FAQ)
Some people swear by the psychedelics - others say MDMA (extasy) is just the thing. Poppers (amyl nitrate and related substances) have their cheerleaders, too. My most enthusiastic recommendation is for marijuana. This is not an aphrodisiac in the sense of a drug that awakens sexual desire where it does not exist, or promotes erection where erection is wanting, but marijuana is a drug which enhances the sexual experience, metaphorically turning a sandwich into a manwich.
Of course, marijuana affects different people differently, and the side effects (which may include drowsiness, enlightenment, or imprisonment) may detract in their own way from the sexual experience. Nonetheless, if you haven't tried it, I strongly recommend a little experimentation. Both the giver and receiver can benefit from its effects.