
The Laundry Solution, a 21ST Century
technology, promises to free us from environmentally-damaging and harsh
laundry detergents. Laundry Balls are non-polluting, non-toxic,
hypo-allergenic, color-safe, convenient, economical, do not promote
static cling and will not damage fabrics. Independent investigation
reveals that they are so
benign
as to be virtually inert. But it's hard to dismiss the reports
of strong
consumer satisfaction.
Buy one and you can use it for 1,500, 3,000, maybe even 4,000 or more
loads of laundry. Skip the rinse cycle, never pay another dime for
detergent, save the planet and keep harsh chemicals out of your clothes.
The pitch for these laundry balls gets more baroque over time, but
basically the theory is that by using magnets, the balls rip apart
clusters of water molecules that form naturally by magnetic attraction.
When these clusters are ripped apart, creating "activated" or "structured"
water, it makes it easier for individual water molecules to get at the
junk you're trying to remove from your dirties. All without expensive,
damaging, and unhealthy chemical detergents.

Aren't magnets simply amazing!
Is there anything
they can't
do?
The best assessment of the laundry magnets I've seen is from
Bruce Toback's
page:
It has nothing to do with quantum mechanics, or activated water, or
anything else of that sort. The science
behind these devices is psychology: they make you feel comfortable using
less detergent, or none at all.... it's the instructions, not the
devices, that "work."
. . .
[T]hey do absolutely nothing except make you feel comfortable with not
using detergent. If you can convince yourself to use less detergent
without a little plastic ball, you get all the benefits and you don't
have to pay for the ball.
Now to me this seems like a delightful way to keep overconsumptive
Americans from
polluting
the water supply while at the same time helping to ease the burden that
excess cash has on the overly gullible.
Those members of society pledged to protect us from ourselves are much
more hostile to the devices.
The Oregon state attorney general, for instance, won $190,000 from two
companies selling such products, in a
settlement
in which the companies agreed to stop selling their wares in
Oregon,
but were not required to admit to any criminal fraud.
[T]he department of Justice obtained the various products and had them
tested by a qualified, independent laboratory. Results of the tests
indicated that the water in the spheres had no special characteristics.
The "globe products" essentially contain nothing more than water, blue
dye and a foaming additive contained within an impermeable plastic
shell."
Utah's Division of Consumer Protection also dragged $10,000 away from one
company whose
miracle balls
were clearly too good to be true.
Bruce Toback checked the claims for "The Laundry Solution" and
found
that "[t]he claims make perfect sense, and are in complete accord with
the current state of scientific knowledge... There is not a single false
claim in their marketing material. In fact, it's a model of probity
compared to the verbiage printed on a box of laundry detergent:
- Everything at room temperature emits far-infrared electromagnetic
radiation. So does their product.
- The water is specially treated, since water doesn't
occur naturally in plastic globes.
- Water plus mechanical action will clean quite well. Since the globe
is small, it won't interfere with the mechanical action of the
washer or displace much water.
- The company recommends a procedure to clean out the washer before
the first use of their product. The procedure will remove soap
scum and mineral buildup... This could account for any repeatable
observations of "brightness" the first time the product is used.
- The company notes that once in a while, for greasy clothes, you
may need Borax or, for extreme cases, a tablespoon of laundry
detergent."
The power of multilevel marketing has led to an amazing proliferation
of "structured water" products whose profit margins must be absolutely
breathtaking. Onesource Worldwide Network, for instance, puts forth the
bold claim (and probably a different claim than it makes to the IRS),
that in "nine short months" it has "paid out an unprecedented $6.7
million in commissions" on "more than $84 million in product." The
sidebar to the right lists only a select sample of cyberhucksters; hit
the search engines for
more.
It's hard to say how many of the folks selling detergent
placebos know
about
their
bogus nature. Some
are probably just as
taken in
as their customers. Others, like The
AwareHouse (which calls their product The Emperor's New
Detergent) or Judy & Company (which sells a product they've
dubbed "Snake Oils" which "have specially treated waters called
Structured Waters") probably sleep well at night despite vending bunk.
I'm thinking of marketing a somewhat similar product: Dihydrogen
monoxide. For all
that's been written about its alleged dangers, DHMO is actually a
quite benign solvent and a normal component of the atmosphere - you
can actually drink small quantities of the stuff without harm.
My special DHMO mixture, when added in sufficient amounts to the gas tank
of your vehicle, will almost completely prevent the harmful environmental
degradation caused by the oxidation of fossil fuels in the engine. As
we all know, the products of fuel oxidation are responsible for much of
the pollution of our precious air and water supply.
Furthermore, DHMO will substantially reduce your risk of injury or death
in vehicular collisions, and will result in fuel savings as well.
In California, if you pledge to use DHMO exclusively throughout the
year, you may be eligible for a special certificate from the Department
of Motor Vehicles allowing you to a special bargain rate on automobile
registration and a complete exemption from emissions control verification
(the "smog check").
When I first thought of this idea, I was sure I'd make a million, but I
may be too late. The
magnet
people beat me to
the punch
with a very familiar sales pitch:
When gasoline remains in your tank for a while, the fuel molecules start
to cluster. The molecules on the inside of these clusters can't be
exposed to the oxygen necessary for combustion. The result: Incomplete
fuel burn with the unburned molecules emitted as pollution or remaining
inside your engine as damaging carbon/varnish deposits.
However:
When fuel burns, carbons are combined with oxygen and converted into
their components, releasing energy. Passing fuel through a magnetic
energy field which is both properly configured and focused causes the
fuel to accept an induced charge. Furthermore, this application of highly
focused physics will attract more oxygen molecules to the fuel resulting
in more of the available fuel being completely utilized.
Unlike the laundry balls, though, which at least save you money on
more-or-less worthless detergents; the
fuel
magnets (and magnetic air filters)
appear
to have no benefits to those who aren't selling them.
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Laundry Balls On-Line
Among the best pseudoscientific gobbledygook comes from Shopper City,
whose Original Laundry Clean Ring utilizes "a concentrated fluid that has
been treated with specific high frequency fields. This fluid serves as
an organization template for the water structuring." Furthermore,
"[c]hanging their aggregation state in reaction to the vibrational fields
around them, water molecules in clusters change their resonance
signatures imposed on them from outside the water mass." Say what you
will about this sort of advertising, it's
legal.
The Euro-Wash Laundry Ball Detergent Replacement (U.S. $49.95)
information page notes that it will "last you an unlimited number of
washes. Depending on the amount of washes you do weekly, that should
be over ten years for the average family."
How does it work?
"Makers of the Eurowash Laundry Ball mount 4 powerful, permanent magnets
in a durable plastic bracket which is then covered with a tough,
vulcanized blue rubber. Two tunnels through the middle of the ball allow
water to flow directly through the focused magnetic fields. The result is
a virtually indestructable water restructuring device."
The Natural Wash
Plus system (U.S. $39.95) is even anti-bacterial!
As seen on TV, AsiaNation Direct Laundry Balls also can
be used to wash cars, dishes, floors & work surfaces, vegetables and
flowers, people and food. Things you wash with Laundry Balls stay
cleaner longer, because they don't attract dust; vegetables washed with
Laundry Balls stay fresh longer; and pre-treating your water with
Laundry Balls improves the growth of your houseplants. Bathing with
Laundry Balls relieves "tension, stress, rheumatic pain, stiffness and poor
circulation" and "can lead to the remission of athlete's foot, fungal
infections and split skin." Put one in the back of the fridge to absorb
odors and help preserve the food.
The Skeptical Inquirer did a story: Magnetic Water and Fuel Treatment: Myth, Magic, or Mainstream Science?
Rest assured, the packaging that comes with The Laundry Solution
(U.S. $85) is made of recyclable plastic. "The product works by
properties of physics. Hence there are no residues left on your
clothing."
And (it's about time), the laundry disc now comes in
stereo!
"Although it sounds too good to be true, The Original
Laundry Clean Ring
[U.S. $79.95] achieves its amazing results through advances in physics."
After all, the
Wonder
Laundry Ball (U.S. $39.95) "is more than just a product, it is an
economically empowering
network.
Details available with purchase."
Why stop at the washing machine? Attach the
Magnetic
Conditioning System (U.S. $70) to your pipes and get the benefits of
structured water throughout the house.
"How does the
laundry solution [U.S. $75] work? It is structured water that emits
far-infrared electro magnetic waves through the walls of the container
into your laundry water. This causes the water molecule cluster to
disassociate...."
Dr. Shui-Yin Lo is quoted in the
IETM Crystal Overview:
"These electric fields extend only a few billionths of a meter but are
stronger than forces currently generated by man-made machines. We use
such changes not only to grow
IE
Crystals, but tailor them to fit different chemical reactions."
(What does any of this have to do with
Scientology?
Anything?)
Dr. Shui-Yin Lo was more recently spotted in Wired magazine
using his theories of structured water to
explain homeopathy.
The Ultra-7 LaundryMaster
System (U.S. $94.90) uses the "science of liquid magnets" - "stable,
colloidal suspension of subdomain magnetic particles in a liquid
carrier... coated with a stabilizing dispersing agent, which prevents
particle agglomeration." (Whoops! Last time I checked, the link
redirected me to this
page for "Magnetic Success" - a "revolutionary new and effortless way
to lose weight and inches using the miraculous method of magnetic
balancing" using a "tiny magnet placed on the wrist" that "can melt away
pounds and inches in a matter of days.")
The Laundry Solutions
SuperGlobe "contains concentrated iETM
Crystals" and "proprietary activation beads." The SuperGlobe is designed
and intended to be used in conjunction with the SuperGlobe Booster" which
is "a highly concentrated liquid with its own built in fabric softener."
Learn about how the latest
21st Century Technology (U.S. $79.95) cleans clothes "much like a
magnet can hold a piece of plastic to a refrigerator."
Dishwasher Balls (alas, their site is down), are certainly well-described:
"Composed of high molecular active substance, it does not consist of any
harmful chemical elements. Anti-oversensitive it is skin-protective to
hands. Stop using harmful detergent, CodeWash Dishwasher Ball helps to
avoid one's getting different kinds of common diseases such as urinary
gall bladder, lowering blood count index or female blood disease
increase, especially the deadly cancerous disease."
Smart Laundry's
product (U.S. $50) "works on principle of Magnetichydrodynamics and No
Allergic for human skin during washes (even by hands of fine washables in
the sink without soap suds) or sleeping on the bed linens." Note that
"for our live drinking water, we MUST USE - even by law - Euro-Wash
Laundry Balls instead harmfull any detergents."
Consider ordering the patented
Wellness
WaterTM Cup, because magnetized water should
be "a vital part of our preventive health maintenance system" and the
WWC "is the ONLY patented cup in which NORTH Polarity Faces Water!" (In
case you didn't know, "North pole magnetized water infuses energy back
into the body, reduces acidity of the gastrointestinal tract, controls
bacteria and stimulates brain activity.")
This amusing manifesto on
magnetohydrodynamics notes that "main-stream, paradigm thinking
physicists, chemists, and engineers" are skeptical of the benefits of
magnetized stuff, and gives us this gem: "Interestingly, while similar
poles repel and opposite poles attract, the South or 'positive' pole is
approximately 7% stronger than the North, or 'negative' pole. Is this
possibly why the EARTH tilts on its axis; the stronger pole - south /
positive - is reaching for the weaker pole - north / negative?"
Safe Wash not only sells laundry
disks, but includes a link to the laundry-disk-skeptical
World Wide Scam Network
and is a member of something called the
Association of Ethical Internet
Professionals.
The Green Bar takes
a different tack - instead of structuring water, it uses "neodymium
bio transmitters" which "removes the propensities of calcium and
magnesium to cling to foreign objects" although a "chemical analysis
of the water would detect no difference."
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