A personal ad was placed pseudonymously in some of the
alt.personals.*
newsgroups reading:
SWF, 24, ND/NS (& seeking same), testing positive for the
clam, but feeling positive about it too, ISO SM, 20-30,
open-minded, fit, young-at-heart. No one-night-stand clam
diggers! Serious only.
It received many responses; a great many of which respected the "Somebody
Else's Problem Field" around the clam reference. To those people who
asked me about the clam, I sent one or more of my phony clam articles (and
sometimes got further replies, which are also found below). Abbreviations
like SWF (single white female), ND/NS (no drugs or smoking), ISO (in
search of) and SM (single male) are standard shorthand in the personals
genre.
Reviewing the responses arrayed below renews my suspicion that the
alt.personals.*
newsgroups are not the best places to find a
soulmate.
Hi, I am SWM and I think we may match, non smoker, non drinker 5'11"
but I do not understand ND/NS? can you explain..
Hope to hear from you..
I'm sure by now your mailbox must have been full of mail from guys all over
the world. :) I encourage you to take some time and sort them out and throw
away some of the garbage they sent.
Anyways, I'm 22, I work in Oakland and graduated from Berkeley about a year
ago. I love travelling, going places, meeting new people, bike-riding, movies,
dancing, comedy clubs, musicals, plays, beaches, anything! I'm pretty
open-minded and willing to try out new stuff. I also like going to cafes,
and simply hang out there with friends.
I don't smoke, don't do drugs, I don't dig body arts/piercing either. :)
Well if I sound like someone you wnna get in touch with, let me know!
Would love to hear from ya.
Take care!
so, what is the clam?
I hope I'm not showing myself to be a complete idiot, but what is the
"clam?"
I'm looking for someone that likes to travel, explore new things, and
just have fun.
I'm in good shape, spending about 5-10 hours a week at the gym, and
very open minded about most things.
Hi my name is -----, This can never be easy to do over the internet so
i'll not go into to much detail. I'm a college student majoring in Marine
Biology, I study dolphins and metaphisics. I LOVE adventure and anything
physicaly challenging. I'm into Sports, Mt. Biking, hiking, baseball (Go
NY Yankees) and romance...MAJOR REQUIREMENT. As far as looks go, I get
stopped and asked If I'm David Schimmer (Friends: Ross) I think I look
better....I'm really not a bad looking guy, I model if that helps you
picture me. I won't lie, I would be partial to an attractive women then
not, but I really think the "Connection" is more important. In any case
FRIENDS first...But I do want to meet someone nice that I can share my
thought, concepts and imagination with.....
what is the clam you are talking about
Hello:
We are a very happy couple whit so much love we would like to share it
with another women. We are kind and loving is this somethis you might be
interested in?
I sorry I must be living under a rock what does testing positive for the
clam mean?
Hi there, saw your post on alt.personals. You sound really cool. The
N/S and N/D is a very big plus for me as I am the same. I'm 23, 6'1" 200
lbs brown hair and blue/green eyes. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but
pleasant to look at. I play guitar and write poetry (boy, aint I a wild
one) and I'm ready go out and live life, drink its wine to the last
succulant drop. (oh, how cliched :)) Well, if nothing else, I'm not
boring. So where ya from? I wouldnt be willing to bet that you're from
East Texas, but maybe you are and the Gods have smiled on us, and brought
us together. Ya never know, like my old pappy used to saw. Don't worry,
I don't use the term, "pappy" in real life. Just thought u might find it
amusing. :) Did I mention I'm a little goofy? But shy and sweet too.
The kinda guy that moms like to invite over for supper and hope their
daughters will marry. Maybe, that's why I'm still single. Who knows?
Well, now I must go (told ya I was a poet *wink*), but hopefully, you'll
write back, and I can shower u with more charm and fun. :) take care
I'm the one for you. E-mail me some more at: ------------------
Only if you're a female!
So thanx for sending me that information on "clams" Well, so
where are you located? Does your "disease" make it difficult meeting
people or do people not even care? And so you just have like bumps in
your crotch area or how does that work? I'm just curious, well, please
writ back...
"testing positive for the clam"
huh????
what on earth are you talking about?
is it some serious disease????
My name is ---- and I am ND/NS. Currently 20 (going to be 21 within the
month) and always an optimist. I'm 5'7" and 175 lbs and working to lower
it a little more with weights, cycling, and ballroom dance (yes, you
heard it right). Definitely not interested in the one-night-stands but
definitely interested in talking and continuing communication to lead
further down the road. If I sound interesting (other than being humble)
write back. :)
Thanks for reading mine amongst millions,
What does ND/NS stand for???
hi. read your add. I think i fit the description quite well.
email me if interested.
My name is -----. I would like to establish communication with you, get
to know you. I am 28 y/o, 5'8", like sports, nice looking. Please tell me
more about you. Hope to hear from you soon. Bye!!!
Hi there,
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you reply this letter I will be
really really happy...okay so it didn't rhythme. :) I am a 23y/o single
male from San Jose California....want to know more...you would just have
to write back to find out more! :)
swf if you really are positive with the clam than you need my clam tools
to relive the pressure.
Hi there.. I saw your ad that you posted and it cought my eye. I would
like to know more about you. I am 24, 5'11" tall, brown hair and hazel
eyes. I weight ~190 lbs. What area do you live in? I am interested in
hearing from you. Thanks and hope to talk to you soon.
Well I would have to first ask what do you mean by clam+???? second I am a
male 20 looking for long term in your area...if you are intersted please
write thanx...
Hello Dawn, my name is ---. I am from Canada. I would assume that you
are looking for someone who is a Non-Drinker, and a Non-Smoker? For the
Clam? Don't know what you mean by this?
I am 26 yo, an Assistant Manager at a small but established resaraunt where
I live. I generally don't drink, only occasionally as in birthdays,
special occasions, or spending holiday seasons with family. I don't smoke
and actully almost choke when a friend or family does...my area of home is
totally smoke free!
I am currently looking for a solid relationship that will lead to marriage
and children...hope that is specific for you? If this is what you meaning
by staying away from CLAMS?
I am a person who knows what I want from life and what I want to give back
to the society!
In other words, IF I am given a serious and sincere type of
friendship/relationship, I give the same back...respectfully of course!
If you are interested in chatting through email for now, I am interested in
hearing from you!
Hello, I enjoyed your post. I am 33 years old and live in Ottawa, On. I
am employed as a Captain in the Canadian Army. Presently, I am a doing a
masters in neuropsychology. I am waiting to get into medical school. I
am 6' 2" tall, dark hair, blue eyes, lean fit body. I enjoy history,
philosophy and travel.
I am looking to meet and communicate with people from around the world. I
love to share ideas. I am also looking for travel ideas and am open to
the idea of meeting a woman. Would you tell me about yourself?
What is the "clam?" Clamydia?
Hello.
Be well.
Hi!!
My name is Tony. I would be interested in talking with you. Please
email me and I will send you a pic of me so you can get an idea what I
look like.
is 32 too old?
Well I'm 22 don't drink or smoke or do drugs, I'm openminded and fit (I
play basketball every day for 2-3hours) If your interested write back
and we can exchange more information.
where from and what is Nd/ns?
Sorry, but I'm not in yer age-range*, but was curious about what "clam" is
. Would appreciate any few-liner descriptoid ya
might choose to send.
Many thanks. Good luck with your search. :-)
Hi,
Compliment of the season to you, I have read your Ad posted few days ago.
I'm really interested in discussing with you. Please reply this message so
we can discuss more.
I am interested. I am SWM, 21, blue eyes brown hair, 145lbs. What would
you like to know? Write back soon
Where would you be writing from? Write back...
Hi!
You sounded interesting, but what is testing positive for the clam? I'm
in Clovis ( Fresno area), and looking for poly friends. Been there and
prefered that. Talk to you soon?--
What on Earth!!! does this have to do with a personals ad? Can you answer
that question?
Well, I re-read the original reply, and I have to say that if this is true
I hope that some research money can be poured into solving the problems
with this malady. But, besides that, tell me a bit about yourself. I'm
in Fresno, and probably close to your 805 return address. What do you
like to do for fun, what do you want from life, etc. I'll write back, if
you like. What is your real name, besides Dave I mean. What do you look
like...? At this point you're intriguing to say the least! Ciao for now,
Any interest in a single asian chinese male?
Hi Doris, I do not know what Mollusca is. Will you educate me
please? BTW, what town do you live in? I'm in Milpitas, CA
Hi,
Where are you living ? Can you explain to me what you mean by :
testing positive for the clam ?
and ISO SM ?
Thanks
and sorry for the questions !
Hey there...I hope not to sound ignorant, but what is clam and what does
nd/ns stand for. if you wish to talk, write back...
Hi. This is a dumb question, but what exactly do you mean by you've tested
positive for the clam? Is that some kinda disease? But from your last
sentence it seems like there is a different meaning.. Anyways if you have
time, get back to me. I seriously hope you're not some guy named dave who
is posting this...
Where are you, and what are you looking for in a guy?
I am new I guess, but what does ND/NS stands for? Do you mind spending
some time in explaining it to me?
What (or where) does ND/NS stand for? I am unfamiliar with alt.personals.*
abbreviations. On the other hand, I might fit your specifications.
I'm a very serious man who want to talk with you to know each other better.
if you're interested in a kind, intelligent and charming Italian 24 y.o.
guy, then write to me and we'll get friends. I'm waiting for you!
Can you give us more information about Mollusca credulis mentioned in
your email message. Where is this being done? Is the treatment available?
Are the statistics published? Please advise.
Hi there,
First things first. What is the clam?
saw your posting and was interested...me SWM, 20, living in Toronto,
5'11, 175 lbs
WOW! I did not expect you to send me this long mail about
the disease known as 'the clam'. But thanks. Looking back at your
msg, it seems like you're a male then? Cause you said you're not
looking for 'clam diggers' and in the long mail you just sent me,
that is referring to females..
I am not interestedm=, I am just curious as hell to what the "Clam"
is? PLease let me know as this has me perplexed. Thanks
Hi Dawn,
I feel silly for having to ask this, but I don't understand what testing
positive for the clam means. Never seen that reference before.
Soooooo. Anyway. My name is -------. I'm an SWM who will be 21 in less
than a month <:) I don't smoke or do drugs, of course. I'm in my third or
fourth year (I forget sometimes:) ) at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, and am
taking summer classes and working part-time for the time being.
Hope to hear back from you (with an answer :) )
Dawn,
Two questions: 1 - Where are you located?
2 - Will you go as high as 33 years old?
Write back and answer these and give any other info you wish to give...
Saw your note in the newsgroup. I'm 32, 6'2" herpes+, hiv-.
Live in SoCalifornia and would like to hear from you.
Will be looking for your reply
I hope this is not a stupid question but what does ND/NS mean?
Is your name Dawn?
Where are you located? I am a 23 yo SWM.... more later....
I don't qualify to become your SO but I thought I'd ask you what you
mean by 'clam.'
I have a question, please educate me. What are clams? How do you test
positive to them?
Thanks in advance,
What the hell is a clam??..Clam-positve?..Clam digger?
Thank you for enlightening me on what 'clam' is. I had never heard of
it before! In my case, I doubt that it would affect my already
humungous sex drive; I've always been this way so it's not that I have
had this 'disease.' Tell me more about your experiences with it. How
do you think you got it, how large was the lesion, and what effects have
you noticed?
I fit your profile (I think). but don't know what is the clam? I don't
have any.
Hello!!!
Well...having seen your ad in soc.penpals this summer...I thought I would
write you...even though it's now the fall. :-) Anyhow, hi there! *smile*
My name's ---...I'm 22 years old...from Springfield, Virginia... I'm in
college and am majoring in Communications. Interests? Well, they
include the outdoors...movies...music...hiking...biking...roadtrips...
photography...traveling...building models...being creative in other
ways...reading...bowling...rollerblading...watching Must-See TV...
writing...making new friends...the beach...the mountains...amusement parks...
and being on-line. *smile* That's basically just a few of 'em, though...
My creativity and imagination are probably two of my main qualities/skills.
I tend to be good-natured, caring, friendly, helpful, and at times, even
funny. :)
Anyways, just thought I would say hello... Perhaps you'd like to become
penpals...or friends... =) Well, have a great weekend and Oktober!!! :)
Take care...best of luck...
I'm sorry, I don't mean to embarrass you (if that's what I end up doing)
but I'm not familiar with the abbreviations you used above.
I think they mean this:
ND no disease
NS no smoking
clam?
You lost me on the clam part, unless that was a typo. Regardless, I"m 24
SWM, live just south of Houston, work for Dow Chemical, graduated with a
degree in chemical engineering. I'm stable, trustworthy, and a
Christian. I'd send you a longer message introducing myself, but I figure
that you probably got about 100 messages cause of the SWF part of the
message. Drop me a short note if you would like to know more. Well,
drop me a short note about the clam part anyway please.
Do I know you have you ever been to louiaiana