A few years ago, on a May afternoon Your mommy and daddy said you'd be here soon We didn't expect you, so it was quite a shock And we all got together and started to talk And everyone wished you were already there They wanted to know the color of your hair And whether you liked Ding Dongs or bok choy If you wore sandles or shoes, were a girl or a boy And if Chutes & Ladders was your favorite game And if you could read and what was your name And I had a question: "I'm not very dumb, But tell me, somebody, where will the baby come from?" At first no one said even a single word Then everyone talked and no one could be heard I covered my ears and started to yell "One at a time -- can anyone tell?" So one at a time, more or less, they told But the more that they said, the more my eyes rolled "The baby's in her tummy? I find that hard to follow. Even a little baby's too big to swallow!" Then they all started laughing, and one said, "Dummy, You don't have to eat a baby to get one in your tummy!" When they got to this point, they nearly had me sold, But then you should have heard the crazy stories they told! They said that your mommy and daddy conspired To wander off to their bedroom, pretending they were tired And perform secret dark magic, deep into the night With the door firmly closed, and just a candle for light. And making more noise than they really should make At a time when hardly anyone else was awake With lotions and potions and plenty of sweat And black and red costumes of leather and net They said "we'll need baby practice, I guess, "In loving, and hugging, and making a mess," And determined to practice 'till they got it right They practiced 'till morning had taken the night. And though they woke up all messy and smelly Sure enough there was a baby in mommy's belly. Now nobody else was there to see 'em do it, But they told me that's how and that's all there is to it. "You've got to be kidding," I said with a smile "That's the silliest thing I've heard in a while "Since somebody told me the world's really round "Or that astronauts clap without making a sound." Since then, I've discovered, from people more wise A story much better than that pack of lies And if your patience hasn't been too thinly-worn I'll tell you how you really decided to be born! Before you were born you weren't even here No matter how you tried you couldn't appear You wanted to be and you begged "Pretty please "I want to have elbows; I want to have knees." "I want to be skinny and hairy and boney "I want to eat ice cream and Kraft macaroni! "I want to skip backwards and I want to shoot hoops "And make paper airplanes that do loop-de-loops." "I want to be little and then to grow big "And to jump and to crawl and to climb and to dig "And I want the most super mommy around "And the best kind of daddy that can be found!" "But maybe first I should think this thing over "Being born isn't just a run in the clover. "There's dangers around if I decide to be "I might be scared by a dog or I might skin my knee." "I'll have to get shots and I'll sometimes get sad "And people will yell at me 'cause people get mad "And I'll prob'ly get sick, and I'll prob'ly have chores "And I might just be one of those people who snores." "Life can be worry on worry on worry "Perhaps I shouldn't be in such a hurry! "People get sick and get old and they die "Maybe it's just too scary to try." But then you remembered the birthdays and punch The chocolate pudding for just after lunch The kittens to play with and all of the toys And all the other cool girls and boys And bubblegum that doesn't go away when you chew it And you said "I'm brave and I know I can do it! "I'm going to be born and see what I can do "And I'm going to start off as a person brand new!" So you started a family with your mom and your dad And just look at all of the fun that you've had! Now some people might tell you it wasn't that way But I wouldn't trust the silly things that they say.
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