Symbiots, Parasites and Diseases

Taboo-based anticipitory labeling of "The Clam"

by Kenneth MacTerrel

Harmonic Dispatch, Winter 1995

The New York Post claims "scientists say it could be worse than AIDS," Newsweek noted that "the little that is known about the disease is alarming health researchers," and the Wall Street Journal warned readers that "estimates of the number of victims are so varied that none can be taken seriously."

The media are talking about "the clam" (mollusca credulis as it's being called in obfuscatory circles, is the "official" name for the associated complex of symptoms and for the hypothetical organism responsible), and despite the fact that very little is known about this organism, it is already being labeled a "disease," potentially "worse than AIDS," that is claiming "victims."

The "sexy" nature of mollusca -- other than a temporary bump in the pelvic region, the main symptom of being a mollusca carrier is strongly increased libido -- is making it a media darling in an era when AIDS is starting to lose its novelty value. What's getting forgotten in the sensational reporting is the possibility that "the clam" isn't a disease at all.

Only a minority of genetically independent organisms that occupy the human body are diseases -- organisms that disrupt the functioning of the body and cause harm to the individual. Some others are benign parasites. Others, like the bacteria in our intestines that help us to digest food and extract essential nutrients, are helpful symbiots.

Biologists believe that even components of the cells in our bodies such as mitochondria originated as parasitic or symbiotic microbes that we at first learned to live with and eventually evolved to use and benefit from.

It is too early yet to say for sure what category mollusca can be placed in. If it turns out to cause health-problems in the long-term -- something there is no evidence for yet -- then "disease" is the right label. But the evidence that we have so far would not support such a conclusion.

Let's review what we know about "the clam." There is no test yet to determine who is infected, and in fact even the nature of the organism responsible -- virus, bacteria, fungus, or multicellular parasite -- is unknown. Estimates as to how many people are infected have ranged from one-ten-thousanth of a percent of the population to five percent. One informal survey of college students seeking reproductive health services showed that 21% of them had symptoms indicative of mollusca.

Hosts typically develop a small, hard bump or blister on the genitals or in the pubic region that doesn't itch and isn't painful and that disappears in about one week to ten days. These bumps are frequently mistaken for genital warts. In the days preceding the outbreak, the host's sex drive amplifies dramatically, often tapering off somewhat after the bump appears, but perpetually remaining elevated. After the bump disappears, however, no further physical symptoms are reported.

Health authorities investigating these symptoms are biased by their professional experience toward considering any organism that changes "normal" human behavior to be a disease. But it's possible that this is not a "disease," but an organism destined to live symbiotically with our own, encouraging more emotive, sensual behavior, and less of the competitive, war-like ethos which is causing so much harm in our society today. This "disease" is not actually disrupting anyone's ease, and should be looked at instead as the catalyst for a new stage in human evolution.

Sexuality is a part of life that demands that a person break down the shells of ego and open up to another person. Each time two new people make love, the range of human sympathy is expanded. It's hard to make love to someone you distrust or dislike, so a strengthened sex drive is strengthens the impulse to reconcile and to communicate.

I will say from personal experience that the people I know who are infected believe their lives to have been improved by the experience, and I would add my name to theirs. If this is a disease, it's the only one I know of where its victims want to be sick.

I suspect that I won't have to launch a crusade to protect the reputation of mollusca, though. By all indications, it is spreading rapidly, and it does not seem to damage its hosts -- on the contrary, from an evolutionary point of view it increases their reproductive success. It would surprise me not at all to find that in several generations, virtually everyone is "infected" with "the clam."

And perhaps the world will be a better place.